*blknekomage

....yeah I'm being bipolar and stufff.....ok so I have a deep seated empty sadness that I keep locked away inside of me and I feel like telling you guys about it....... ok so I have a brother he was born
1991 Dec 2 and my birthday is 1989 dec 4, I have no memory all but one which I believe may be a dream I dont know...well my mother took him away with her when I was three i dont know her or my brother and it really hurts me. the other night i was looking in my photo album and the pictures are old enough where they put the dates on the back and I was really studying the ppicture and i discovered that we shared our birthdays together....I cried for hours i dont know if you can realize the pain of know that you shared birthdays with your little brother that you have no memory of..... I have tried to find him and my mother but I get nothing he'll be turning 17 this year and I 19....... I wish someone could help me and those stupid people finder things on the internet mock me with their high prices and non guarantee of it actually being the person you are looking for..... its not fair.....I just want to die....

you know just when everything is happy and wonderful it always comes crashing down with such force that it obliterates everything to the point that feelings of happiness are like pages from an ancient story book... I know that I am quite mad and suffer from senseless bouts of depression and it always like to happen right when I couldn't be better I suppose that would be called Bi Polar? anyway I really feel like I have no friends, yes yes spare me the pity I know that people on here call me their friend but in all honesty it's not like having a friend sit next to you, ect. I have tried to make friends but they stay for a bit and then move on to something or someone better or they have other obligations to fulfill and I know that I myself have them too but it's just that I don't know I hate that I come here and whine to you guys about my problems but I can't afford a shrink so what else is there? I really feel that I have become so fake and superficial now I don't know why and I'm just tired but I don't what about.....see right now you know what I'm doing? I'm sitting all alone in an empty house....I'M ALWAYS SITTING AN EMPTY HOUSE AND RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE I WANT TO SCREAM BUT CAN'T BECAUSE NOTHING COMES OUT I FEEL TRAPPED AND IF I MAKE ONE MOVE IT UPSETS SOMEONE AND IF I GO IN THAT DIRECTION IT DESTROYS ANOTHER..........................
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....................................................and I has a head ache....

OMG OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!! so I am a batman junkie and OMG! the dark knight was amazing!!!!! the joker is my fave!!!! the movie was awesome, heath ledger played the joker perfectly like it was omg I just cant even begin to describe how perfect he played it. actually I really wanted to cry after the movie because I am so incredibly distraught and sad that Heath Ledger passed away because there will NEVER EVER EVER be another person to play the joker better than him. He will be missed......

I GOTS MAH LAPTOP!!!! AND IT IS AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok so as of 7/9/08 Brian proposed to me and I accepted! so we are officially engaged! and wed. was my first day as postmaster relief and it is awesome, I have to get up at 6am be there at 7 and work til 5pm or 12pm it just depends on the day. I'm getting paid $13.00/hr. WHOOT!
just thought that I should put some updates oh suckey news is that the laptop is delayed and the "estimate" ship date is now the 17th instead of the orig.7th >_< yeah, BUT WHAT EVER I IS ENGAGED!!!! ^_^